End of nursing?

When I said, "I'd be happy if I make it to 1-year nursing Eli", I never really prepared myself or seriously considered the possibility that Eli would reject nursing himself. Tobey just kept going and going and at 15-months, I kind of stopped him (and he seemed indifferent so I don't think either of us felt "rejected"). But in the last 2 days, Eli only nursed one side in the morning and then refuses to nurse the whole rest of the day. It's the unfortunate side effect of circumstances: he yelps when he doesn't want to nurse and often Tobey is still sleeping when it's time to nurse. So I don't fight Eli much and then I feed him a bottle. Any baby would figure out eventually that the bottle is where you'll get more milk faster and that's what he seems to be choosing.

Ironically, it was just Monday when chatting with Cindy and Angela, I said that I was at a point with Eli's nursing that I wouldn't bother pumping if he missed a nursing or a side. I figured the end was near and I don't have the physical or emotional energy to try to boost my supply or let downs at 9 months if I couldn't get it done at 6 months. And I don't feel like pumping more than once a day because it's a pain to wash the parts. But now that reality is setting in, I might pump out when he should nurse and just rinse the parts well until after the bedtime pumping and I'll wash the parts good. He's 9 months, he should have an immune system by now. :-)

I blogged once before that I thought the end of Eli's nursing would come with a sense of relief. It doesn't quite, just because I will be substituting with pumping (and will continue to do the one side in the morning). The $100+ a month on formula doesn't bring a sense of "relief" either. I guess it's just been a struggle since month 4 and until we just go to cow's milk and no more pumping and nursing, I won't be completely relieved.