I'm "there" again

We just moved, first cross country, then into temp housing and now into an apartment as we look to buy a house. Since we left CA, Tobey hasn't been in school and we haven't signed Eli up for a preschool yet. There are tons of things to do settling in (house hunting, apt hunting, setting up house without our normal stuff, running errands in new stores) that I thought finding a preschool would just come in the fall, maybe even have Eli start late if I'm too late signing up for the fall.

But signing up for school has bumped up in priority for me. Simply put: the kids are driving me crazy.

I thought maybe I'd enjoy this summer of having both kids at home. We're in a new area, we could explore together and just spend time in an uncertain phase for us. I have been able to take advantage of not being in school -- we don't have to rush out in the morning, we've been able to go to the park and I can also run errands far away without having to be back for a noontime pick up.

But there have been some days like today when I felt like I had PMS all day. And I don't have PMS at all. The kids pushed every button, broke every rule that all I had time to say today was a bunch of commands barked at them: NO. STOP. NO THROWING. NO RUNNING. COME BACK HERE. HERE. HEEERE. OHHH ELI! I full on yelled at Eli for not stopping his darting into the parking lot because he was headed straight for a car backing up. (It was one of those instances where I didn't care who heard me, I was so mad at him.) Eli and Tobey got numerous timeouts today for just getting way too hyper to even realize they were breaking rules. And Eli wrote on the wall and did a poop in his underwear...again. Is this just boy energy? Are they acting out for being cooped up today? Are they bored?

I have no patience, no mental energy to talk to them calmly, to teach them. I've been there before: I'm in an immature mood myself. I roll my eyeballs. I sigh. I grrrr. I walk around with a crinkled brow all day. I mumble to myself under my breath. I'm on the verge of swearing at various moments of the day. Like a pro basketball player, I overreact to accidents that happen to me (like when I stubbed my toe or when Tobey threw a toy that hit my face) because I've got that much frustration built up. In addition, Eli is certainly in some phase of defiance and it really puts me on edge for the whole day -- I never know when he's going to throw a tantrum because he doesn't want to get out of the car seat or because he doesn't want to wash his hands after going to the potty.

And so in search of a break, I went in search of VBS. I figured if I found a couple on different weeks, it gives me a little break, the kids some entertainment, without the constant pressure of getting out of the house every day all summer long. But I only found one that wasn't during the week that we were going to be away. And while I signed up for it (it's in the city at Park Street Church so we're going to make a whole "ride the T during morning rush hour" adventure out of it), I'm starting to think it isn't enough. So we visited 2 preschools for Eli for the fall that both have summer programs that could take both Tobey and Eli. I can't help but feel a little guilty for wanting to ship them both off to school. Maybe I'll just start with finding a mom's group and VBS's and then see if that's enough structure to give to a summer.

And then when I think about it, when they hit elementary school, they will always have summer at home. Maybe this is one of the few summers that I will have a chance to have a break.