Questions about death

A hummingbird went head first into our picture window, probably because without window coverings, the reflection looks like there's trees right beyond. Poor thing wasn't quite dead when he was discovered on our patio, but he seemed close. I wished we could have taught a lesson about caring for animals and empathy, but as it was, we all had "bird flu" going on in our heads, including Tom's mom who was out playing with Tobey in the backyard. Tom and I were also halfway out the door to catch our date movie and Tom's dad was holding Eli. So all we did was cover him with a box that had holes for ventilation but we knew that with the night of babysitting and us being out, poor guy had no real chance for recovery.

The next morning, we saw the box and knew the bird had to be disposed of. Tom's dad said he'd do it since he does it all the time at their home. Tobey was eating breakfast at the time and thus started the questions that kind of caught me off guard over my morning paper:

t: Mommy, is the bird awake?
A: Mmm, no, probably not.
t: Is he asleep?
A: Kind of. Yeh-Yeh took the bird.
t: Did Yeh-Yeh take the bird?
A: Yes.
t: Is the bird in the garage?
A: Mmm, no, he's not in the garage.
(pause)
t: Is the bird in the trash can?
A: Um, yeah, probably. But the bird is in bird heaven now.

Okay, okay. When I told Tom this, he couldn't believe I made up bird heaven. In my defense, I do believe that when we are in Heaven praising God in our glorified bodies, I think there will be birds flying around...just not this one. Tom said I probably made that up to make me feel better more so than Tobey. That's probably true. I wanted to show a little comfort and sympathy for basic loss of life and I did not want to be so unfeeling and matter of fact about death as Dennis' recent conversation with Emily about Denise's father's death at his funeral (the following is not verbatim but I think you'd get the picture):

e: Daddy, where's Grandpa?
D: Grandpa's dead.
e: Will we see him again?
D: No.
e: Where is he now?
D: He's in the ground.
e: Oh.

Perhaps because Emily's 5 and was asking these questions, I thought I could kind of dodge death questions until at least 4. Plus, Tobey's never asked about Grandma, even though we still use "the great-Grandma cup" and he says "Great Grandma!" if he sees Grandma's picture. But I should have known that a toddler/preschooler's whole existence right now is about discovering things and curiosity so of course he's gonna ask something. Mr. Roger's has something about explaining death to kids (but this young?). I'm not sure that my conversation with Tobey was that much more comforting or truthful or explanatory as Dennis and Emily's so I think I better be more prepared next time.