Embarassment

I'm not sure if I want to shop at 99 Ranch anymore. The last two times there seem to bring out the worst in Tobey.

Today he did it all: he was running through the aisle away from me, he was yelling while doing it. When I confined him to the shopping cart then he couldn't sit still or keep his hands off Eli. I tried bribing him with a "bao" but he violated the rules and thus cried when I said he wasn't getting any bao. He whined and screamed for water, he tossed the groceries onto the conveyer belt instead of placing them nicely like I told him to. Although he didn't deserve a trip to see the Joy Luck water fountain, I asked if he wanted to see it, mainly so I can get myself a consolation pearl milk tea. Because I had no patience for his dawdling, I walked at my pace only to have him whine for leaving him behind. When I told him not to touch the really gross water, he did.

I used my tone far more than I wanted. I'm sure anyone within 20 feet could hear it. Part of me hoped the tone would whip Tobey into shape, part of me hoped the tone would show other people that I did not approve of Tobey's behavior, even though I think all the tone showed was how little control I had over my child. I was so fuming at his behavior and my reaction that by the time checkout happened, I barely remembered anything from who was the cashier to the bag that I left behind at checkout. I do remember shoving the cart forward causing Tobey to bump his head and cry. The gentleman behind me was kind enough to bring out my missing bag to me while I was loading up the car, only to see how Tobey tripped on the curb, was crying and how little sympathy I had for him.

My payback? When we were driving out of the parking lot, Tobey out of the blue says, "Sorry, Mommy." I asked, sorry for what? And he says, "Sorry for screaming and yelling." I was floored but also hopeful that he has a little sense of behavior and when Mommy is ticked off. To add insult to injury, he saw the church next to the shopping center and said, "Look! A cross for Jesus!" I also apologized for losing my patience and by the time we got home, he also voluntarily said sorry for not listening to me. Well, and then he asked if we can go back and get "bao". So even if his motives were a little self-serving, I was happy that he said sorry at all and we were both content with going home and having lunch.

Although I wished I could go back and show all those who witnessed my and Tobey's behavior that we're not like this all the time, more so than their opinion of me, I wished I could go back and do it better. I probably will have a chance to: the next time I go back to 99. I have compassion for Britney Spears and how people think she's a bad mom, because I can't tell you how embarassed I would be if paparazzi saw my little 99 Ranch trip today (or worse, my friends, or worse, my MTO mom friends that I just gave a testimony to about losing control) .

And where was Eli during all this? Nicely sitting in the shopping cart and stroller. Unfortunately, he was probably taking notes for when he turns 2.