Wei-Tai and EE

I like to think that I don't have too many expectations of my kids that I push or demand of them. Sure, I'd like to have a doctor, lawyer or general contractor in the family and I'd like for them to go to good schools but I still like to think I'm not "pushing" them to be anything yet.

But the one expectation that I had a clear vision of when we became parents was how I wanted our kids to greet adults. And that clear vision came in the form of Wei-Tai and EE.

Wei-Tai and EE (and Daphne) are my 2nd cousins on my dad's side (I think technically we're 3rd cousins but for some reason everyone in the family considers us 2nds). For as long as I could remember, from childhoold through awkward adolescence, Wei-Tai and EE were the quintessence of confidence in social graces. They would always greet adults with a confident and audible "Hello, Uncle/Auntie so-and-so", stick their hand out and shake your hand as if they were the adult's equal. They didn't flub up or mumble uncle and aunties' names because they always knew them in the appropriate language (English or Chinese). They didn't avoid eye contact like most teens or tweens. And after their hello, they'd usher you into the house and offer to take your coat.

I remember as a kid thinking that they were unusually confident and friendly. But now as an adult, I can really appreciate and be impressed by their courtesy, respect and confidence from an early age. And so it runs in the family: I met Wei-Tai's kids for the first time this Christmas and I was impressed talking to his 9-year old daughter. She had no fear talking to me. She didn't reply with one word answers with her eyes looking to the ground. We actually had a conversation. She wasn't a freak of nature, an adult trapped in a 9-year old body, talking about politics or global warming. We talked about sports and after school activities and how she doesn't like cleaning up her room. She giggled at Eli. Normal kid stuff.

And so since the time that Tobey could wave, I've been training him and wanting him to greet like Wei-Tai and EE. At first it was just giving a high five since getting him to say hello as a toddler might be a bit much. Then it was being able to say "Hello Uncle ___" when prompted. Now it's about saying it audibly while looking at them (not from between our legs) and maybe in another couple years we can add the handshake and, my dream come true, the unprompted correctly addressed audibly friendly hello.

And so this Christmas we saw Wei-Tai and EE for the first time at my parents' house in years and years. I was caught a little off guard because Tobey and I had just woken up from a nap when they arrived. I realized that this was the moment to not only practice greeting, but maybe see the masters in action. I prepped Tobey by saying that we're meeting a lot of new uncles and aunties and that he needs to say hello clearly when I introduce their names. So we went downstairs to say hello. Wei-Tai and EE were the first to say hello to Tobey and wouldn't you know it, they each stuck out their hand to shake his hand. C'mon Tobey, you can do it! Tobey said hello when prompted but didn't say their names, which admittedly were new and unfamiliar. And while I was giving hugs and greeting them myself, he ran upstairs.

Ah well. Less than I had hoped and yet it could have been worse. I suppose he could have said nothing and started crying. I suppose he could have said "Hi poo poo!" as he's been heard to do to Eli. Maybe the next time we see Uncles Wei-Tai or EE, we would have progressed a little in our greeting skills. And just when I was getting a little disappointed that Tobey is void of all social graces, he did say hi audibly and have a simple conversation with Eric when he came to pick us up from the airport. Maybe it's the unfamiliar uncles, the unfamiliar surroundings that caused Tobey to mumble hello and retreat up the stairs. But at least with Uncle Eric, there is hope.

Or maybe I have to remember he's only 3.