Killing creativity

Tom's mom gave a heartfelt and emotional speechlet the last dinner on vacation. It started off as I would have guessed she felt: that this vacation was a very special one since it's the first since being diagnosed with colon cancer. She loved seeing the kids interact and loves being able to pass on her love for nature down to them.

And somehow the subject turned to parenting. In her observations of our parenting, she recalled how she was as a parent. She said she was strict and in doing so, she feels like she might have killed the creativity in Dennis and Tom. That Chinese parents tend to keep a tight rein on their kids and in doing so, the kids don't take as many risks as (her example) Caucasian kids. She said her take is that Dennis and Tom aren't really risk-takers and in turn, she might have killed their creativity. So she advised that we not be too strict with our kids.

I was squirming in my seat a little, feeling the need to defend what I thought was, for me, a good balance of risk-taking and stability in my own husband. But I also was trying to look past the fact that she was criticizing her own sons right in front of them and actually to their face, in that unique way only a seasoned Asian mom can do, and I tried to see what amount of truth and wisdom she might have in her advice.

But the advice is driving me crazy because as if we moms these days aren't already neurotic enough, do I really need another viewpoint of whether I'm now being too strict? Every correction I give to Tobey and Eli, I have the phrase "killing their creativity" swirling around in my brain. It's a fine squiggly line between enforcing standards and killing creativity and I'm struggling to find it.

Case 1 - One of my pet peeves is the mess the kids make playing with a toy with a bajillion parts and they don't play with them as meant to be. Tobey took out 20 cardboard bricks before starting to build a single thing with them and the ensuing mess was making my blood pressure rise. I bark. Killing his creativity? Probably, Tom says.

Case 2 - On our evening walk, Eli is picking leaves off a neighbor's bush. I bark. Killing his creativity? No, Tom says.

Case 3 - Eli is throwing every object under the sun. Making a mess? Yes. Hurting anyone? Not yet. Discovering new skill? Probably. Discerning when it's appropriate to throw? No. I bark. Killing his creativity?...

Case 4 - Tobey, a leftie, spells his name backwards. I don't correct him. Actually, I think it's cute, for now. He was proud that he could write his name. Tempted to correct him, but I don't. Killing his creativity? I won't.

I guess I bark so much during the day that trying to decide with every single bark whether I'm justified is tiring. It's tiring and it's demoralizing because each time I'm unsure and that just snowballs as the day wears on.

I guess I'm thankful for the advice although for now, having it is somewhat torturous.