Whose fault is it?

(From Wednesday...)

Mishaps. That's what I'm calling those times when everything seems to be going wrong, those moments. A day full of mishaps, especially those involving my kids, really try my patience and make some of my days tiring and frustrating. Today was one of those days. And when I replay those mishaps in my mind to see how they can be avoided in the future, I have a hard time knowing sometimes whose "fault" they are. For instance, today:

Tobey took the pink highlighter from our bathroom (yes, for our puzzle book), one that I've repeatedly told him he can't play with. He starts coloring in the puzzle book but of course runs off the page here and there...on our white carpet. So there's pink dots on our white carpet and I'm fuming. Is it his fault for taking the marker? Or my fault for leaving it on a counter that he can reach?

Then at Target today, I wanted to keep Tobey involved and busy so that he doesn't get whiny. I ask him to hold my 3 coupons. I tell him they are important and to hang onto them even though in the back of my mind, I wasn't sure that he knew what that implied. By the time I'm ready to check out, I find that all 3 are gone. Not in his hand, not on his seat, not in the cart. Now I'm the one turning into a whiner, "Oh, Tobeyyyy, where did you put the coupons? Didn't Mommy tell you to keep them in your hand?". As I'm whining, I knew full well that this mishap, was probably my fault. I wanted to be able to blame Tobey, but I really couldn't. And I apologized for blaming him, saying that I shouldn't have put such a big responsibility on him.

There was another mishap that I thought was more of Tobey's fault. But now I can't remember what it is. Funny how quickly the mind can block out the negative.

The reason I'm thinking so much about "fault" is because of something Dr. Moore said. We were asking about what discipline works for this age (timeouts, naughty corners, etc.) since we were starting to tear our hair out about getting Tobey to stop doing certain things. And Dr. Moore said that kids this age are incapable of controlling their impulses, as if nothing is their fault yet. So according to him, the best thing to do is childproof so that we don't have to give naughty corners every 5 minutes. I can see what he's saying -- we see it with every pat that Tobey gives Eli that is a bit too hard. At the same time, I have a hard time seeing Tobey's behaviors not addressed, not corrected or without consequences, nevermind the fact that it's impossible to childproof everything so that he never does anything naughty. I think it's the first time I'm not 100% on board with Dr. Moore. I think in some of the behavioral teaching, I look towards my mom.