Four part name

We knew it would come back to haunt us and yet we did it anyway: we gave our kids a four part name. Tom was never big on the idea but I felt strongly about it. I loved the idea that we have a triple heritage of American, Chinese and Christian and I wanted our kids' names to reflect that. So besides an English first name, our kids have a Biblical/Hebrew middle name as well as a Chinese middle name.

My original idea was to use a truly Hebrew or Greek (for NT) word. Like "Shekinah" (God's glory) or Poiema (God's masterpiece) for a girl. But seeing that we didn't have a girl, I was at a loss of what word to use for a boy seeing that I am not versed in Hebrew or Greek (as probably the translations for shekinah and poiema suggest). I was thinking "Barak" or "Shabach" from a song I sang with the church choir years ago but with limited resources and know-how, I couldn't confirm a word or definition or spelling for the meaning I was hoping to convey with the boys' middle names. So I settled for Biblical names like Joel (God is willing) and Samuel (God hears) for Tobey and Eli respectively. Unlike the first names that I tended to consider the sound of it before the meaning, for middle names, I considered meaning before sound, as exemplified by how I don't really love the name Samuel but I knew God answered all of our prayers during my pregnancy with Eli so thus, Samuel.

All that is to say that Tom and I had been putting off a decision on the kids' middle names for a long time now (or should I say, we were at an impasse). For one thing, we needed to decide on a middle initial since a lot of forms leave space for just one initial (not that we ever really considered actually using two middle initials). And then which middle name would we use if we had to only use one? Tom was working on the kids' 529 account forms and we needed to apply for passports. The issue of the names needed to be settled once and for all.

We only have one set of friends and Matt-n-Kat who have given the four part name. Matt-n-Kat gave the four part name, thinking that the more unique identifiers, the better for the sake of preventing identity theft or confusion. Then again, isn't "Lih" a unique identifier enough? Our friends who gave the four part name are rethinking the idea (and seriously thinking of legally changing their 2nd child's name) because when they got their kid's SS card back, the double middle name got truncated because of space.

Our dilemma was that neither of us wanted to "lose" the middle name that the other wanted to drop. Tom didn't wanted to lose the Chinese name out of concern that our kids are probably going already be less Chinese than we are and omitting the Chinese middle name kind of adds to the disappearing Chineseness. Tom also liked the idea that our kids would all have the same middle initial since their Chinese names start with the same character. But I didn't want to lose the Hebrewish middle name because I liked the meaning and I did think it would be confusing to take the 2nd middle name (the Chinese one) instead of the first (Hebrew). This might have been the one of the very few times that we came to a complete impasse. At one point, I even said that either we flip a coin or he needs to declare "spiritual headship" if he wants the Chinese middle name/initial. I suppose I was being a bit difficult but we did discuss in premarital counseling that one aspect of me "submitting" in marriage was that if we really came to an impasse on a decision on an issue, Tom decides (but most decisions we make together of course). This is the first time I think I said he might have to actually do it.

Finally, we came to an understanding that we'd try to use both middle names whenever we could, like on our passport application. Middle initial would be the first/Hebrew middle name, unmatching between Tobey and Eli but admittedly less confusing. With our kids hopefully headed to a Chinese preschool, hopefully their Chinese names will get plenty of air time.

And Tom didn't have to push the red panic button.