Considering spanking?

I'm a little at my wits end about Tobey. He doesn't seem to be responding to naughty corners and timeouts for his behavior (usually towards Eli). With Eli, there are now many more offenses and in fact, most of them are related to Eli.

Tobey clearly is not thinking about consequences when he does things, like whip a paperback book into Eli's face. And what's worse, I can see it in Tobey's eyes that some of his offenses are negative attention getters. What I previously thought was impulse is now deliberate offenses designed to get a reaction out of me. And like when I was 8 and being teased by my older brother, I fall for it every time.

When Tom first brought up spanking back a couple Christmases ago when it was time to start disciplining Tobey, I was hesitant, having not been brought up with spanking myself. I felt like we hadn't tried the other options first and at the time, he was also not even 18 months old. Spanking was how Dennis & Denise were doing things but I wasn't sure if it was for us.

Now over a year later, we've seen naughty corner work and now not work. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Spanking was always the last resort for us and I'm discouraged to wonder, have we really reached our last resort? After a little reading and recalling what I've read before, I hope to try a couple of things before having to look into spanking.

Closing the laptop - That's a disciplinary measure for me, not Tobey. I do believe my attention is split in the day with the laptop on in the kitchen all the time. It's too easy to check email, check blogs, read news. I remember reading off Jonathan's blog the notion that all this technology, so easily and immediately accessible, could foster a feeling of waiting for something better to come along, the next email, blog or news update instead of keeping our attention on what's at hand. So I'm thinking about closing the laptop and just checking in on things at predetermined times in the morning, sometime midday (during their nap?) and after Tom gets home. This is no small thing for me. I feel like technology is my window to the outside world but I've ignored that Tobey and Eli are in my world no matter what.

Star charts - Not only am I not a spanking person, I'm not really an incentives person either. It's probably because my mom never raised us that way either. We didn't get money for A's on our report cards. Heck, we didn't even get allowance. The idea of doing good and doing the right thing because it's good and the right thing is what I grew up with and what I still believe. And I'm sure many people believe that too so then the idea that Tobey might get stickers on a chart (and eventually a non-material treat) for NOT assaulting Eli just seems wrong to me. At worst "the chart" is a bribe. At best, it's working towards a goal. Maybe if I can keep thinking that it's helping him to work towards a goal (along with a reward), then maybe I can bring myself to do it. I'm also far to lazy to keep track of a sticker/star/whatever chart. But I think I'd try this before getting to spanking. Too many more days like the past few and I'm all over the sticker chart idea.

Removal of privileges - I'm not sure what privileges Tobey does have that he cares about that we could remove. Unfortunately, he has far too many toys to miss if any of them get taken away (we tried that as a consequence of not cleaning up; it failed miserably). The other thing that I'm sure he cares about is food but given my family's obsession with food, the last thing I want to do is to use food as a reward that systematically. Not sure if removal of privileges might be more appropriate if he's older and still assaulting Eli (which I'm sure he will be).

The other thing I fear of spanking is that the calm, consequential spanking system that Dennis & Denise do is not supposed to be done in anger. But what from my struggles with Tobey and discipline leaves me to think I wouldn't spank out of anger? I've yelled, I've sworn under my breath, I've grabbed. If we go into the realm of calm spanking, I'm afraid I will be too close to the world of angry spanking. I am almost too afraid to start down the road of any corporal punishment.

Of course the whole idea of having to step it up a notch and find a discipline method that works for Tobey makes me feel like I'm failing. It's hard to know if these struggles are the terrible two's or if we are just slowly losing control over Tobey from his calm and serene infant days. Reading articles online and finding that his behavior is normal and common is a big relief but it doesn't solve the problem. But soon, we gotta figure out what WILL solve the problem.