Tobey: "Exploring"

It's been a few days since I've blogged and the first thing that drives me to blog is Tobey's "exploring". Yes, THAT kind of exploring.

Ever since he first asked about it in a bath a long long time ago, Tobey's been rather fascinated with his wee wee. At first it was cute because it was just another word in his ever growing vocabulary. Then he liked to play with it whenever he got the chance, which was usually only bathtime because the rest of the time he had a diaper on.

Now that Tobey is potty training, opportunities to see and play with it are abundant. Of course when he's done going on the potty, or maybe it was a false alarm, he'd sit and play with it. Then sometimes he would ask for privacy on the potty and I obliged because I thought he was trying to poop. I think he was "exploring". Now it's gotten to the point where he might just laze around on the futon and I see his hand in his underwear.

I'm trying to keep an open mind about this. I've read articles that say this is normal. I've heard other moms say that yeah, their boy does this too. Especially for boys since it's "out there", it's gotta be a fascinating part of their body. But I am having a hard time not only sometimes witnessing it (I decided not to give him extended privacy on the potty anymore) but reacting (or not) to it.

"They" (experts?) say not to make it a dirty or wrong thing lest they become ashamed of their bodies. I guess I'm having a hard time finding that place of modesty and not crossing over into shame. It's not like I want to say, 'Tobey, that's only something you do in private." But if I keep saying "Don't do it at all", of course he's going to want to do it and equate it with something bad. So far I've been avoiding the issue, mostly blaming dawdling and time pressure as the need for him to stop playing with it and time to wash hands. Or at most, stop playing with it or you'll have to wash your hands again.

I know it's not the equivalent of walking in on a teenage boy doing it. And at what point/age is he "exploring" vs. creeping into not appropriate? I was disturbed by a BabyCenter article that, while they were saying how it is normal and even a comfort gesture for some preschoolers, they used the "m" word which completely grossed me out. I'm starting to realize that as progressive a parent I would like to be, this whole area of sexuality is something I'm unprepared for and uncomfortable with. He's not quite 3 for goodness sake.