Tobey: Give 'em an inch

We've always had the "opposite" problem with Tobey in his big boy bed. While most parents have problems keeping their kids in bed, we had problems with Tobey never getting out. We never imposed that rule on him or even suggested it. It was just a leftover assumption from his days in the crib where he couldn't get out unless we got him. From his big boy bed, he would yell, "Moooommmy! Helllooooo??" helplessly until one of us came into his room to greet him. And with Eli being such a fussy sleeper, Tobey's yelling would inevitably wake Eli up.

With daytime potty training well in hand and the occasional dry pullup or diaper after nap or nighttime sleeping, I thought it was time to introduce the idea of Tobey going to the bathroom on his own from bed if we ever want him to be potty trained around the clock. Especially with the "Do not wake up Mommy before 7AM" rule and our Tuesday nap incident where I didn't hear him yelling for me and he stood up and peed right on his bed, I told him that he can get out of bed on his own if he really has to pee.

On Wednesday in the late afternoon, I heard the unfamiliar sound of a door opening. Then I heard a door shut. Then I heard the toilet cover open and I realized, my little boy is taking a step of independence! He went to the bathroom on his own after his nap without waiting to tell me first! It was a victorious moment, I was so proud of him.

Today was a different story. The inch that I gave him yesterday turned into a mile today. He came out of his room no less than 15 times, attempted to poop 3 times, called for water and cried his head off for 10 more minutes. This coming from a kid that I've been able to put into bed and walk out within 30 seconds and that's how I put him down for a nap. Needless to say, I was rather livid but gathering strength from Supernanny, I engaged in zero verbalness and placed him back in bed each time. I was mad inside but rather emotionless outside. I was actually also conflicted inside because I usually am easily sucked into verbal back and forth and for once, strangely, Mommy isn't talking to Tobey at all, as if, I didn't want to consider his needs or reason with him or explain why he needs to stay in bed. It was a "no discussion" style of discipline and I wasn't used to that, especially since Tobey's a little more easy to reason with nowadays.

Alas, he stopped crying after his water pleas were ignored. (To my defense, I did offer him water before he went to bed the first time but he didn't want any.) But 45 min. later, he woke me up with a scream of "Water!!". Thinking he woke up early from his nap (and Eli was finally taking a long one), I zipped in, let him out of his room and gave him some water. He looked curiously "fresh", not groggy and I asked if he slept at all. "No.", he said and all of a sudden, I felt defeated. He got his water without taking a nap first.

We both sat on the futon, him sipping water and me feeling like now he "won". I gave him a talk about his big boy responsiility of staying in bed and only coming out to pee. I came this close to putting him in the crib but instead wanted to teach him when to stay in bed and when he can come out. I had nothing else to say when I just closed my eyes, not wanting to engage anymore. Next thing I know, he's asleep on the futon.

I guess all he wanted was water. And his attempts at pooping seemed earnest, even though nothing came out. I wasn't willing to listen and it left me feeling guilty but it was the best I could do at the time because I didn't want things to escalate into a verbal battle when I've been trying to keep my cool. Tonight I put Tobey to bed. Ten seconds after I close the door, I hear the now dreaded sound of his door opening. "I have to pee," he says and I fear that the afternoon is about to rerun right before my eyes. But instead, he goes pee, I say that's it for tonight and I haven't heard from him since.