Tidbits

Hello, to whomever is still out there. I've been thinking about why I haven't blogged in the last few weeks. I've been having a tough time with both kids and when they both act up, I can't help but feel like a complete and utter failure at parenting. And yet, I still have to get up everyday and do it. I already mull everything out in my brain as I stare or yell at my kids and then once in a while dump it out on Tom. To blog it is to relive it in a way that only brings up my blood pressure.

So now that I'm in a slightly better place emotionally, it's not too bad to blog a few things:

Eli's throwing habit has been the bane of my existence for the past few weeks. While babysitting, Jeff and Angela noticed Eli's impressive wind up and ability to time a throw into a nice curve, especially his sidearm. Things came to a head at 4th of July (with Jeff & Angela, ironically) when Eli threw everything under the sun: his sippy, his cheesestick, his cheese and cracker snack, his tennis ball, my shoe. His throw recocheted and hit me in the face, my shoe hit a passerby (luckily, an understanding parent who thought it was his kid's fault) and the Moon's numerous times. I'm glad Angela thought it was funny. At home he will throw any and all toys. At the Stanford fireworks, he clearly would throw his finders-keepers tennis ball in any direction except into the courts where he would never get it back. So we know he has some ability to control his throwing and are trying smacking his hand when he throws inappropriately. So far what is working today is that I let him throw one of any three small soft foamy balls that are relatively harmless. It's the ultimate in compromise. It seems like he is a little better at obeying for things we tell him he can't throw. Maybe someday he'll be the pitcher on a little/minor/major league team and I'll look back at this and laugh.

Reasoning with Tobey has been hard for me these past couple of weeks. I can do it better when there are no "visitors" around. But things really got me thinking when Tom started reading "The Way They Learn" by Cynthia Tobias. Sure I learned about learning styles in grad school but every author has a different way of quantifying personalities and it's a whole new ballgame when it comes to parenting vs. teaching. So I think that although I am a "concrete random" person (potentially strong willed, must know reason behind requests made of me, do not like dictatorships), I have become a "concrete sequential" parent (thinks threat of discipline should be enough to deter behavior, expects obedience on first warning, starts counting 1-2-3 if there is dawdling). Guess who is NOT a concrete sequential child? And guess what he IS? I guess I'm thankful that when he is acting particularly concrete random, I just have to think how I would feel and I am a bit calmer and able to reason with him. But definitely when I am cranky, I still think being dictatorial will get me the quickest response which someday...*sigh* someday, I will learn does not work with Tobey.

Interestingly, many of the Christian parenting books or things I have heard/read gear towards the concrete sequential parent and child, but of course they don't say it that way. I've been groomed to think that if my child DOESN'T obey on the first warning that they are being blatantly disobedient and that makes me feel like a bad parent. Or at least that's how I interpreted whatever I've learned. Now I need to remember that Tobey is an individual and think of how to speak to him that will yield that best result.

Eli's tantrums, they exist, he's almost 2, need I say more? Sometimes I think they stem from not being able to communicate and we don't know how to help him. But many times it's because he doesn't get what he wants. And we're not hallucinating either, he really does cry at everything. Yesterday we went to Tom's work to visit and his co-worker K, who is expecting his first in a couple of months, commented towards the end of lunch, "Wow, he does cry a lot, doesn't he?" Despite that, our kids were mostly on good behavior and I don't think we scared K that much.

Tobey's bicycle is our newest purchase. True to his "abstract sequential" ways, Tom had to do a ton of research, we had to consider all the possibilities from cheapo bikes to expensive ones, from 12" to 16". We finally bought one and after talking to just one friend, he reconsidered what we had bought. In the end, after taking Tobey shopping one more time, Tom settled on a bike and Tobey has been all the happier ever since. He's doing great. He fell twice yesterday at the park but he can make it around our block with no problem. His head seemed to grow overnight though, literally. Thursday his old Nemo helmet fit just fine but yesterday at the park it just sat atop the crown of his head. Weird. Anyway, our big baby is in the world of bicycles now. Now we just have to find a tricycle for Eli since the ones we borrowed have all gone back to their families for the second children. Oh no, that doesn't mean more research, does it? Our children will have to be long-suffering shoppers if Tom is involved in the research...just like I am long-suffering when buying for Tom. :-)