Feeling frumpy

I've been feeling frumpy lately.

For one thing, laundry piles up real fast. Sometimes I feel like I can only keep up with the requisite kids' laundry (Tobey runs through his clothes quickly because of drool, Eli because of spit up) and our socks-n-underwear, I find myself running out of my own clothes as soon as I turn around, leaving me to start wearing my "secondary" clothes, clothes that were once my favorites but have now taken backseat only to be thrown into the spotlight again because I can't keep up with laundry. That's enough to make a tired momma feel frumpy: no good clothes. And nevermind that half of the shirts I wear are still my maternity t-shirts.

Next, my hair is falling out and getting long (perhaps falling out because it is getting long). But the idea of finding babysitting for a haircut seems extravagant. Since I'm so not used to getting babysitting I feel like I should be saving it for more "important" things like my upcoming dentist appointment, dates, or a family emergency like last week. I've managed to get haircuts before when my parents were in town but the last several visits for them were so tiresome with Grandma that I didn't have the heart to ask them. And weekends seem to be more fit as family time (although before kids, I used to sometimes get my hair cut on weekends).

And, we joke (and probably Tom is seriously annoyed) but the spa gift certificate that Tom got me for Christmas 2003 (the Christmas after Tobey was born) remains unused. After failed attempts to coordinate with Melissa last year to go (and then finding out we were pregnant), I'm determined to use it this year before Christmas, with or without a girlfriend (the plan is to use it this coming weekend). I don't know why it is so hard for me to carve out 5 minutes to pick up the phone and call Preston Wynne. At first it was because I couldn't choose what I wanted to "do", a wrap, a massage, whatever. But even this past week or two (or more?) I've decided what to get and I still haven't called. What's worse is that Tom's mom gave me a spa gift certificate last year Christmas because I liked the idea so much. She gave the same to Denise and she's used hers. Why is it so hard for me to just take a day off and go?

I feel so superficial in thinking that getting some new clothes, a haircut and a spa day will actually make me feel better. Essentially, the smallest things "prevent" me from taking care of myself outwardly. (Gosh, I sound like I'm admitting that I don't shower daily or something...but I do shower daily!) There's something about my family and old church upbringing that values the inside so much that I somehow feel guilty for wanting to be "cute", as Pastor Paul would say. I'm definitely glad that growing up I didn't focus so much on makeup, etc. so that my inner character developed. But the side effect of that is that sometimes I think I don't really know how to take care of myself, outwardly or inwardly. And maybe sometimes the outside is an indication of what's going on inside.