Feeling unproductive

It was a bit of a crazy weekend. More stressful than I had anticipated. Now more than ever I realize that doing things with two kids is a lot more work than with one from scheduling to actual doing -- juggling two is more tiring. I think I can handle regular life with two for the most part. But throw in some major events like my grandmother's passing and the upcoming memorial and holiday season and I'm feeling like a majorly unproductive. Forget the little projects I had hoped to do before the Chang Thanksgiving. Now with Grandma's memorial before Thanksgiving, I'm just lucky if I can clean the house before then. Or maybe first things first. I need to go grocery shopping tomorrow.

It leaves me to wonder when to get time to do some of these things, as well as those little home projects that would satisfy me creatively. Do I do what Tom does? When he needs time for the yard, I end up with the kids, which only makes me resent the yard? If we did trade off his time and my time, I could see the whole weekend trading the kids off to each other instead of being together as a family. There have been some weeks recently where one or two nights a week I've had to do grocery shopping because there wasn't time in the day anymore. Nighttime after the kids sleep and dishwashing has been hard because I'm tired and would rather be entertained (unfortunately by TiVo) than do chores or find energy to output creatively. During the day is difficult for two reasons: 1) Tobey, 2) Eli. Mismatched nap schedules and eating and nursing occupy most of our day and sometimes keep me captive at home.

I guess I'm still hoping for my ideal conditions underwhich I used to operate, copious amounts of time so that I can do all of my errands and have the luxury of being creative when I have energy. Maybe I have to reconsider what my "working conditions" are and that if I want to be able to be productive, it might not be under my terms but at any free moment I can find.