Glad the cameras weren't on

Tonight wasn't pretty. I wasn't proud of my parenting tonight. But alas, I survived and my children did too, hopefully not emotionally scarred.

I was pretty snippy tonight, no real endurance or patience for toddlerisms or infant crying. And the truth is, Tobey and Eli were just being themselves. But I was so busy being sour that there left no room or tolerance for them just being the stage in life that they are at.

It was weird knowing full well that I wasn't being very patient with them and yet feeling a bit powerless to find that longer fuse. I even explained to Tobey that it was annoying that he was asking, "Please, soap?" incessantly while he was being "soap man" for Eli's bath. When not in the bath, Tobey found how to push my every button (which was pretty easy) and I found myself snipping, "No! Stop it!" almost as incessantly as he was saying, "Please, soap?". And thank goodness the magic plug (pacifier) worked on Eli tonight, during Tobey's bath and bedtime routine.

At the least, I came out of my self-absorption enough to notice how concentrated Eli was on his exersaucer toys, that some of his utterances were of joy not complaint, and how to have fun with Tobey behind the shower curtain. Truly Jekyll & Hyde moments. I could literally be telling Tobey to stop kicking the water one second and smiling and laughing with him (or Eli) the next.

Spa day is scheduled for Sunday but it can't come soon enough. And to think that Tom is still working hard at the office right now that he'll probably be useless tomorrow night and I get to do this all over again. To have babysitters say how good and easy my kids are makes me happy that I didn't burn a babysitting bridge but makes me feel like a putz for not doing better on nights like these. My kids are not colicky nor sick (well, Eli has a little runny nose) nor clingy (well, Tobey sometimes) and yet I complain right alongside with the parents that do have much more difficult children. Must trust that every parent, no matter what the child, has days and nights like these, not just me.

Thank you, Lord, for good and forgiving kids. For good sleepers so that nights like this have a predictable and definite end. I'm afraid that my snippiness is going to come back to haunt me, that my example tonight will not go unnoticed by my toddler's watchful eye but will return in his repeating, "No, Adrian! Stop it, stop it, stop it, teddy bear!" or even worse, "Stop it, Mommy!". But I did what I could and I'm just glad it's over. For now.