Nothing improves a mood like a little string cheese

Ever have those days that makes you wonder whether the government should have required parenting courses before people have children (and that you should have gone through the PhD program)? Those days that you feel like you're pretty much a parenting failure because of your children's behavior and your inability to change it or cope with it?

Today both Tobey and I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" (and Eli was just being himself) which was a cocktail for all-day frustration.

It was one of those days I'm sure the kids are posessed by the devil. And when I see that behavior, it looks strikingly similar to mine and then I feel worse because I can really only blame myself.

It was one of those days that although I know that Pastor Paul says we can choose to follow God instead of sinning (in my case, venting my anger on the kids), I knowingly chose to yell and be as immature as the kids, because it made me feel better (temporarily) than being mature.

It was one of those days when as I'm saying unfair things coming out of my mouth, like "Stop crying because Eli's sleeping" (even though I knew he had a valid fear), I'm praying at the same time that my kid is not getting psychologically damaged permanently at the same time. Of course, God may choose to answer my prayer with a "you reap what you sow".

It was one of those days that I could only see the short-term in both my actions and the kids', instead of the long-term effects and the long-term goals I have for them.

It was one of those days that after I'm done yelling at your kids, they look back at me in shock or with the burden of the mommy's demands on their shoulders. And when I sit down to seethe, they just crawl up on me and want a hug, to which I can barely give back.

It was one of those days that I declare no third child.

It was one of those days that I HOPE I'm having my period because, besides ruling out that third child possibility, if my irritability today was WITHOUT extra hormones, we're all in trouble.

Sure, on any other day Tobey's yes/no indecisiveness could have earned a lecture at 7:45 in the morning. Sure, on any other day I could have been so daunted by the prospect of the whole day with posessed kids that I willed myself to go to the Y so I could dump the kids off and I could have a timeout. Sure, on any other day I could have found the kids throwing our tree oranges in the living room or Eli's bath towel soaking up toilet water. Sure, on any other Monday Tobey's earned 2 timeouts and a threat of a spanking. Sure, on any and many other days, the space shuttle video is on by 5PM because this hour long educational video will help me get to 6:00 with the least amount of TV guilt (especially for Eli who is less than 2).

What broke the negative mood was miraculously string cheese. While Tobey and Eli were both resting on me, Tobey declared hunger so many times that I said to myself, what the heck, give him a snack, he actually ate a decent lunch. So the three of us started on string cheese. The healing properties of string cheese are mysterious but today, powerful. It took the edge off our hunger and our moods. There's something therapeutic about picking off strings of mozzarella cheese, like picking a scab. And most of all, it made us laugh, taking turns pulling off anywhere from 5mm to 4 inches of cheese, depending on your good fortune that cheese round. We "did" three string cheese sticks before we all felt a little better and I'm ready to go to Costco for the 50 lb. pack.

It gave us all just enough temporary happiness for me to be able to rejoice with Tobey when he found Penguin who was lost since before nap or not all out yell at Eli for knocking over upwards of 1/2 a gallon of humidifier water on the carpet. String cheese was a mood shifter and a frustration eraser, at least enough to get me to 6:00 when reinforcement troops come.

As for the opening questions, maybe the true question is how often do I have those days and what do I do with them? I had a lot of angry days in Tobey's terrible 2's, enough to give a testimony at MTO, but fewer of them since he turned 3. But I am concerned about Eli entering the same stage because I feel like more of these days are happening again. What I choose to do with them is equally of concern. With Tobey I tried with human strength to control anger and try various better parenting methods. But now, I have a hankering that the true source of my dealing with the toddler years is connecting and calling upon God for something, I'm not sure what and I don't know how, but something.

String cheese might help for a few hours, but I know only God can make my anger weakness permanently healed.