Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde

It's amazing how fast I can go from feeling frustrated with one of the kids to feeling so lucky to have them. It takes less than 2 seconds.

For Eli, last night I was telling Tom that we were lucky that at night Eli will fall asleep by himself. Swaddle him with eyes open and he'll fall asleep, sometimes with <10 minutes of crying. But this morning, he had a horrible feeding at 6AM, slurping, popping off, squeaking, choking. I couldn't even remember feeling the big milk letdown although I felt a couple of small ones. I tried pumping out what I thought was extra and there was only 1/2 oz. And after all that, he was ready to play. So I was frustrated at how badly things went this morning and how tired I was.

About 45 min. of playing and he fussed a little. So I picked him up and walked to the kitchen to get a binky. Before I even got to the bag, he had fallen asleep on my shoulder. And so I got a 20 min. cat nap on the couch with him snoozing on my shoulder, one of those moments that you try to savor because it won't be long before they don't fall asleep gently on your shoulder anymore. Or if they do, they aren't just 10 lbs. anymore!

I feel the same schizophrenia with Tobey. I'll feel so lucky that he can play by himself right when I need him to, like this morning in the playpen so I could shower. But then he'll squeal or whine for something that I don't understand. Then he'll do something supercute or he'll oblige me for a hug and all is forgotten again. Well, most is forgotten.

I hear that when our kids are teenagers, it won't be like this. Chi told me about how Kin would have an argument with her teenager and when everything is back to normal for them, Kin is still feeling the effects of the argument. And I suppose those teenagers don't do something supercute or fall asleep on your shoulder to make your heart melt again.