A day I'd like to forget

It was a bizarre day today. I'm not sure how or which aspect to blog about first. But whatever the case, I kind of didn't make it through the day and I think for the first time called Tom at work and asked him to come home early because I couldn't take it anymore. I think both kids wailing in the background in unison added to the effect.

Sickness - Both Tobey and Eli are sick although I'd say that Eli is behaving pretty normal. Tobey is another story -- I tried putting Tobey down for a nap twice today, only to have him wake up both times around 1/2 hour later wailling at the top of his lungs. That was followed by having to carry all 32 lbs. of him around the house with my bruised knee and sore arms (see "Accidents below or deal with intense whining at the smallest issues like missing the opportunity to close the refrigerator door himself. Three times this afternoon I had both kids crying at the same time. It's amazing the chaos I feel when that happens. It's hard to choose which kid to console first and at one point I found myself sitting on the ground with both kids sitting in my lap because that's the only way all 3 of us would not go crazy.

Mistimings - It was a day full of Murphy's Laws and mistimings. I've never had so many phone calls at so many unopportune times today. I know I can (and did) ignore most of them but just the frustration of having just settled down to do something that I'm physically confined to do (nursing, bathroom trips) and then being summoned my the phone ringing is enough to get me irritated. This whole week I've experienced mistimings with naps -- as soon as I decide to rest my eyes when both kids are asleep, one of them wakes up, whether I decide to rest 20, 40, 60 or 90 minutes from when I put them down. I am convinced that there is some cosmic connection between me and my kids that once my brain shuts down, theirs wakes up. It was uncanny and un-funny.

Accidents - I'd say today was truly bizarre because I fell not once, but TWICE today. This morning when I got up to get the phone after pumping, my foot caught on my PJ pants and I started a tumble that sent me across our playroom. Trying to break my fall by putting out my arms, I fell on one knee, my back arched backwards and my mouth actually hit the counter. It was a bit of miracle that I didn't knock out a tooth. It was more of a miracle that Tobey and Eli were still sleeping so I could ice my knee for half an hour right after this happened. I'm bracing myself for the back pain that might settle in tomorrow. My arm muscles were a little sore from the "shock" of using them to break my fall.

As if that wasn't enough, I thought I was in the clear for bizarre happenings when Tom came home early to rescue me from my horrible day. But then while out getting pizza for dinner (no way I was cooking today) and a couple groceries, I tripped over an uneven spot in the parking lot and in a split second found myself in a rerun of this morning falling onto the pavement. Yes, I cried at Albertson's not out of pain but out of utter frustration that my day of chaos didn't end when Tom came home to relieve me of my home duties. Now my bruised knee is even more bruised and my arms even more sore. How often do I trip and fall and here it happens twice in one day. Both times I just felt like swearing and yelling just to let out my frustration. Sometimes now I still feel like letting it all out.

All this doesn't even begin to describe how emotionally detached I was today from my kids because of all of the above. The only upside to my day was a phone call from Denise (sister-in-law) that I could just talk to and remember that I'm not the only mommy that struggles. In addition, Tobey was so patiently self-entertaining through most of that long phone call. But things went downhill from there from Tobey waking up Eli with his banging doors against the wall, to me resting while Tobey watched Thomas (asking me questions while I was in my half-daze) and ate lunch by himself.

It's so strange how I operate. For huge life changes like my grandmother's passing, I can deal. I was thankful to God about the timing, the way she went, for my chance to say goodbye, everything. But with the small seemingly insignificant things that go on in my daily life (kids' erratic sleep, interruptions), it's becoming obvious that I can't deal. I wonder if God is trying to get me to yield control of my day to Him, that my previously 99% predictable days with Tobey are over, that I have to let go of my idea of a perfectly ordered and predictable world.

I know my troubles from today pale in comparison to Job. But I did feel a little Job-like today when one thing after another kept happening. It was like when servant after servant kept coming to Job saying he lost all his crops, then his workforce, then his family, etc. I really felt like sleeping at 9:00PM after I put Eli down because nothing could happen to me in my sleep.

Or after a day like today, maybe something could.