Embarrassed

Tonight during chit chat, after talking about why grown ups might lie, Tobey asked me what being embarrassed means. Hmm...

I realized that I had no good answer. After stumbling around trying to give a preschool dictionary answer, I thought it best to give a scenario to explain it. I started thinking about MY most embarrassing moment and realized that I don't want to share it. I have only shared it with one of our closest friends who after hearing it (and laughing their heads off) admitted, "Yeah, Ang, that one is pretty embarrassing. We can't top that." And so besides them and the friend that witnessed that most embarrassing moment, the situation has never been mentioned in public.

And because Tobey is at that age where he just blurts out things, I would be foolish to think that he would keep my most embarrassing secret. So I had to think of some other scenario. I first thought of embarrassment as when others laugh at you. But I didn't want to introduce that concept to Tobey. I don't know if he's felt it, I don't know if preschoolers quite yet laugh at you with the kind of mean bite that elementary school kids might. I don't know if Tobey has experienced that kind of emotion yet and while I hope he would share that someday during our chit chat, I think I would be heartbroken if I found out my almost 4 year old has already experienced embarrassment.

I thought about explaining embarrassment in terms of self-consciousness but then I didn't want him to feel self-conscious, about his clothes or his body or self-image. I didn't want him to be paranoid about himself, I feel I bring enough of that into our home already. I want him to be confident and/or unadulterated in this way just a little bit longer.

I thought about how I've probably said in my lesser moments that his or his and Eli's bad behavior has embarrassed me in public, like when he's in a screaming or yelling mood. But I don't want that to be his definition of "embarrassed". Probably the least harmful example of being embarrassed is if me or Tom did something really goofy and our kids are embarrassed of US. But at this age, goofy parents to them are fun parents, and I certainly don't want him entering that age of "Mo-omm!" that soon.

A dictionary definition definition says: "To cause to fell self-conscious or ill at ease; disconcert". Nope, I can't find a pleasant way to explain that to Tobey. I want to because I want to discuss it eventually, but it will take a little more thought.