Garbage man

Today April Pekary spoke at MTO. I was really looking forward to it because, as Tina described, I have the impression she is Wonder Woman, homeschooling 5 kids and the family seeming so focused and Godly. They still seem very Godly and she's definitely intentional about her parenting. But it was so good to hear that her kids don't look like an idealized cover of a homeschooling magazine with kids smiling and hands folded eager to learn knowledge imparted to them by their parent. It was nice to hear her kids show up at breakfast Bible time groggy and bleary eyed, or that she might have to stop their 15 minute Bible memory time to discipline her daughter who wants to bring the cat to Bible memory time and is being disobedient. So in a way, knowing that her kids are normal, to me that makes her even more of a Wonder Woman, a REAL Wonder Woman.

But anyway, she started her talk about our goals for our kids by holding up two cartoon pictures: one of "Charles" who is a businessman with a college degree, makes a comfortable living, goes to church (especially on Christmas and Easter). The other was Joseph, a sanitation worker, barely keeps ends met, but feels called to his work because he looks to bless people while on his route, and he's a praying man.

Which do we want our child to aspire to be: Charles or Joseph?

I knew the right answer (Joseph) but I also knew my gut answer (Charles). As soon as she held up the two pictures, I knew what she was going to ask and I knew what my heart was actually saying and I knew what my mind should be saying. And she wasn't making commentary about career choices, she was making commentary about our parenting choices, how we often focus on "success" for our kids vs. spiritual development.

And while April's talk was inspiring and her openness about how imperfect her household is was comforting, I knew that I still struggle with the priority of teaching the kids about God. Tom and I definitely try to look for lessons to teach Tobey about character, especially when he's being disciplined, but is looking for God and God's lessons in every day life really in the forefront of our minds? How much more of our energy is taken up in giving him a rich learning environment for future academic and social success? And while we do Bible reading and praying every night, do our kids sense that it's an outpouring of our love for God or do they think it's as routine as brushing their teeth (which both Tobey and Eli dislike)? Do WE picture Bible and prayer time as an outpouring or a routine? Do we explain God's character, values and love for us as we read each night or am I just repeating stories hoping he'll be familiar with them when he's older? What we pray for shows what's important to us -- are we praying for the most important things in God's eyes too?

Kari also pointed out that as parents we naturally want to protect our kids from hardship, be it financial hardship from a job that doesn't pay as well or hard physical labor. None of us really encourages them to pick a particularly hard job just to be hard. So "naturally" we emphasize academic and financial success, but often over other more important development. Even April, even Wonder Woman April, admitted that she knows she's supposed to aim her kids to be like a Joseph spiritually (independent of career choice) but often panics and ends up training them up to be like a Charles.

So from the theoretical to the practical: the funny thing is that we got Tobey a Tonka garbage truck for Christmas. It was different from the fire truck he can play with at Zachary's or the helicopter he can play with at Jared/Jocelyn's. It's pretty cool, I must say, and he's been quite attached to and protective of it and lately, he's really gotten into it. He does pretend play, making the LeapStart Table the garbage truck's garage and a bunch of boxes the city dump. He asked today where the Sunnyvale city dump was and still sometimes runs to the window when the garbage trucks rumble by Thursday mornings. He finds real trash around the house, like tissues that Eli somehow gets a hold of and shreds into pieces, and scoops them up with his truck. Most of the time I assume this is a "phase", that a lot of boys are obsessed by trucks and machines and sometimes weird machines, like the neighbor's kid who knows every kind of car wash imaginable. And if Tonka makes a garbage truck, then Tobey can't possibly be the only kid who likes garbage trucks. But there's always the "What if?". What if Tobey really likes the garbage industry, could he really grow up to be a garbage guy? Would we be okay with that? What would we tell him now if he said he wanted to grow up to be a garbage man?

The Chinese side of me kicks in. It's okay if he's in the sanitation industry. Maybe he can head up a whole city office or have a "higher" position. Maybe he isn't in the trucks every day, maybe he'll go into environmental engineering or find a new way to recycle or reuse earth's resources. Maybe he'll be featured in Technology Review for some neat innovation regarding the environment. Maybe... And my quest for him to have a more prestigious position, ignoring his spiritual development, kicks in.

On the flipside, I have no qualms about him being interested in space shuttles and outer space. He'd have to study hard, get a good education if he wants to be an astronaut or send a rocket to Mars. I wouldn't have to explain to grandparents why he does what he does. In fact, it's Grandmommy's fault that Tobey likes space because she gives him books on space shuttles and the moon. Sure, I'll spend $20 for The Big Space Shuttle DVD to inspire and encourage him further if he's interested. But boy am I glad there was a FREE garbage truck DVD that came with the Tonka garbage truck.

Truth be told, I do think a lot about how Tobey will turn out (and in time, Eli too). But I think I'm more conscious and insistent about his academic, intellectual and social development while spiritual development I just "hope" will come along in time. It's definitely flip flopped, but it will also take me some time to flip it back.